Yamanaka Ino Hates Valentine's Day
by Oreithyia
Summary: All sorts of people come through the flower shop on Valentine's Day. By the time it's over, Ino is going to wish it weren't so. Anti-Valentine's Day fic. Crack.


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or anything associated with it whatsoever. Alas, and woe.

Yamanaka Ino Hates Valentine's Day

**8:50 AM**

The store interior had the distinct scent of fresh cut stems and perfumed blossoms as Ino checked and double-checked the rainbow of flowers on display for clients. The foreign custom of men giving flowers to women on Valentine's Day had transformed from trend to tradition in Konoha in recent years. It meant ample business in her family's flower shop, and Ino was to man the register the whole day.

Satisfied with her inventory check, Ino walked over to the display case beside the register where her mother was loading vessels of flowers that had been reserved by clients.

"Quite a few reservations made this year," the florist commented as she carefully placed a glass amphora full of a mix of white and red roses on the shelf. She turned her head, caught her daughter's eye, and gestured towards a single red rose that was in a slender ivory vase. "Check the tag on that one."

The young blonde lifted up the small vase and flipped over the ornate tag.

To: _Yamanaka Ino_

"For me?" She asked brightly, eyes sparkling, although the answer was obvious. Ha! She had been ready to hate today, not just because of the workload in the store, but because she hadn't found a date. That changed now! Her only consolation had been Sakura hadn't found a potential date either. Well, except for Rock Lee, but he didn't count.

"It doesn't say who it's from," Ino noted, flipping the tag over to see a blank back.

"He's just a little shy," the older women replied, turning away from the many shelves of colorful blossoms. She looked to her daughter's inquisitive expression, smiling mischievously. "You'll just have to see who it is when he gets here."

Ino turned happily back to the tag as her mother stepped through the door to the main house. This was great! She couldn't wait to rub it in Sakura's face!

**9:01 AM**

"Ino-san!"

Ino was almost blinded by the sparkle coming off the bright white teeth of Rock Lee as the green unitard clad young man bounded into the store. She didn't even have time to greet him before hearing: "One dozen long stemmed red roses for my Sakura-chan!"

"Coming right up," Ino responded as she moved to pick up the pre-bound and ribbon tied bouquet. Her conscience forced her to add. "Although, I don't think you'll be any more successful this year than any other."

"That does not dissuade me! It is simply an obstacle to be overcome! I shall win the delicate hand of my beautiful and precious Sakura-chan! Do not feel concern for me, Ino-san!" Rock Lee flashed her another blinding smile and gave a reassuring thumbs up.

"Ah, sure," Ino replied awkwardly as she took his money before he raced out of the shop. Man, that guy was as hopeless as he was weird.

**10:12 AM**

The sound of twin sets of footsteps brought Ino's head up from her magazine as Kamizuki Izumo and Hagane Kotetsu entered the shop. Ino put down her reading material and stood up to bow politely, noting Kamizuki was sporting a lovely shade of crimson.

"Welcome!" she greeted cheerily. Kamizuki opened his mouth to speak, hesitated, then coughed and turned to his companion. Ino looked to Hagane, who merely shrugged with his arms crossed, before looking off to the side and saying, "Don't look at me. I'm just here for moral support."

Ino turned her blue-eyes back to Kamizuki, who cleared his throat, adjusted the bandana that held his forehead protector, before muttering out, "I'd like to place an order."

"Yes," Ino confirmed. This guy was slow today. "What would you like and for who?"

"Erm… Mitsurashi Anko?"

Ino didn't completely suppress her giggle as the exam proctor's flush renewed and his friend sighed deeply. Well, no wonder he was shy! None of the gossip she had heard recently said anything about this!

"Well, if you want to let her know your feelings without being to forward, how about a bouquet of daffodils and daisies?" Ino suggested sensibly. "They show friendship and simple affection, so no pressure." Kamizuki seemed to consider it for a moment before nodding in agreement and pulling out his wallet.

"Remember, you said you'd go with me to hand them to her," he said to Hagane.

"Yeah, yeah," his friend replied.

**11:03 AM**

The shuffling of a slouchy gait reached Ino as she turned from the customer she'd just finished helping to see Shikamaru entering the shop.

"Hi, Shikamaru." Her old genin squad teammate slouched up to the counter, regarding her with his normal bored expression before saying, "I'm here for a reserved order."

Ino felt her heart flutter. Shikamaru reserved her rose?! Well, he wasn't the best looking guy out there or the most romantic or anything, but he was really smart so it shouldn't take any time at all to teach him! She'd have this guy trained in no time.

"What did you reserve?" she asked in her most flirtatious tone, batting her eyelashes at him. The look Shikamaru gave her suggested he thought she'd lost her mind, if it was there to begin with, before replying, "I didn't. My Dad bought them for my Mom. The tag is made out to Yoshino."

Ino felt her ego deflate faster than a punctured Akimichi. "Oh," she said, pretending like she wasn't totally embarrassed.

A commotion from the street outside captured the attention of both shinobi as Kamizuki and Hagane went racing by, hands protectively covering their heads, hotly pursued by a charging Anko who hurled a handful of shuriken in their direction.

Ino didn't catch much of what she shouted at them, given how stuffed up her nose and how swollen her lips sounded, but she did hear snatches of "Allergic to daisies!"

As soon as the trio cleared their vision an ANBU dropped from the rooftops, deflecting the stray shuriken with a kunai before dashing off after them.

Ino and Shikamaru blinked in surprise before Ino said, "Give me a second."

Ino knelt down to open the Rolodex kept under the counter top that contained customer information. She flipped through the pages until she came to Anko's page.

Mitsurashi Anko:

_Hates tulips, threatens to break nose_

_Reacts badly to carnations, promised to put kunai handle up a very painful place_

Ino took out a pen to add:

_Allergic to daisies, results in allergic reaction and barrage of shuriken_

After a brief consideration, she added:

_May like daffodils_

After all, the two men weren't even bleeding.

**12:02 AM**

"Two dozen long stemmed red roses for my Sakura-chan!"

Ino looked pityingly at the brightly smiling Lee, who was covered in enough dust to suggest he had just finished running laps around Konoha, meaning Sakura had turned him down again. Like always.

"You know Lee…" Ino began before she was cut off by her mother who was coming to relieve Ino so she could have her lunch break.

"Two dozen long stemmed red roses it is Lee-san." Ino turned to look suspiciously at her mother as the older women turned to pick up a bouquet.

"Mom, " she whispered, keeping her voice low to spare the oblivious Lee, "it's not fair to encourage him."

"But dear, who says it's in vain? Have a little faith," her mother replied. She handed the flowers to the enthusiastic Lee, who thanked her politely before racing out the door. "Besides, he's our best customer."

**1:15 PM**

"Sai," Ino breathed wearily, "a dozen red roses presented in gold foil is not an appropriate present for the girl who serves you ramen."

"But the books I read say that a girl whom one sees frequently that also smiles at you and offers you food is one that harbors a romantic interest in you," the socially inept artist replied automatically.

"Yes, but that is a business relationship you have with Ayame-san, Sai," Ino tried to explain while having the distinct impression she was getting absolutely nowhere with the expressionless nin. "You _pay_ her to give you ramen in the shop her family owns."

"But Naruto-kun speaks very highly of her and even more highly of ramen. Surely that constitutes a special relationship."

Ino put her head in her hands. "Sai, if you listen to nothing else I say, never take romantic advice from Naruto. Ever."

**2:10 PM**

Ino had just finished waving good-bye to Choji as he left after picking up the flowers his father had reserved for his mother when Shiranui Genma walked into the shop.

"Welcome!" Ino greeted him with a polite bow as he walked up to the counter.

The senbon-chewing chuunin walked up to the counter and looked at Ino.

"I placed a reserved order yesterday."

Ino felt her expectations jump up and cheer. Genma wasn't a bad catch at all! He was handsome and talented, and although he was a little older than her, she was already a chuunin and would be turning sixteen soon enough. He must be getting a head start, she reasoned to herself as she tilted her blonde head coquettishly at the young man. What a romantic!

"I reserved a dozen white roses in a crystal vase for Shizune."

Darn it!

"Alright," Ino said, hoping she didn't look nearly as murderous as she felt. Who the heck got her that flower?!

**3:00 PM**

"Three dozen long stemmed red roses for my Sakura-chan!"

"… Lee, you do know you have to have money to eat, right?"

**4:07 PM**

"Thank you very much! Please come again!" Ino politely told Tenten's father as he began to pack up the irises he had bought for his wife. Tenten caught her fellow kunoichi's attention and adopted a conspiratorial expression.

"So, I saw Lee walking on his hands over the Hokage monument on our way in," the weapons expert drawled innocently. "How many roses has he bought Sakura so far?"

"Six dozen of our finest," Ino answered with hint of guilt in the way she slightly hunched her shoulders. "We really should tell him to give up."

"No way!" Tenten answered. Her face lit up with a bright smile. "It does wonders for his stamina and taijutsu. Besides, when he's in this mood, you should see the size of the cloud of dust kicked up by the herd of squirrels chasing him!"

**5:10 PM**

"Thank you, Ino-san." Udon took the bouquet of daisies she offered him.

"No problem! I'm sure Moegi-chan will like them very much."

The genin, who seemed to suffer from perpetual sinus allergies, sniffed loudly, drawing Ino's attention to the shiny trail snot trickling over his upper lip.

"Ano, Udon-kun," she said delicately. "Maybe you should take care of this," she rubbed the side of her finger back and forth over her upper lip, "before you go see Moegi-chan."

"Why?" he asked dully, before sniffing once again. "I worked hard to grow this mustache."

"Okay then," Ino responded diplomatically as the clearly smooth faced boy began shuffling out of the shop.

Ino allowed herself to sigh minutely. What a day.

"Hey, Konohamaru-kun."

The dull greeting caused Ino to lean over the counter to see the short figure of Konohamaru nodding at his teammate's greeting before fairly scampering over to her counter. Inwardly, she smiled at the cuteness of the situation. Moegi had two admirers on her team buying her flowers for Valentine's Day! _Awwww_! That was so precious!

"Hello, Konohamaru-kun." Ino could see her mother emerging from the door to their main house out of the corner of her eye.

"What can I do for you?" Ino said in a friendly tone as Konohamaru visibly squirmed. What was he so nervous about? Ino almost didn't notice when he mother placed the vase with the one rose on the counter.

Konohamaru snatched it up and thrust in Ino's startled face.

"Will you be my girlfriend?!"

There was a moment's pause.

"MOM!"

* * *

AN: Happy Valentine's Day to those of you who care. Me? I'm just looking forward to the abundance of discounted candy that follows in its wake. Half price chocolate. Yeah baby.

And just in case you were curious, Anko loves daffodils. Izumo scored major points, he just doesn't know it yet.

Review if you like it!


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